We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
