So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
