My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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