So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
