DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
