my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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