I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
