I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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