bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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