i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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