I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
