how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
