I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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