never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
