just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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