if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
