I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
