drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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