The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
