please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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