there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
