It's Friday. Sex?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
