My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Randomize
