i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
