M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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