I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
