My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
