I CAN MOONWALK!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
