yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
