chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
