he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
