I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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