I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
where does the pee come out of this thing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
