yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
