I think my fart just growled at me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
