guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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