So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
