You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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