dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
