I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
