i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if only i could text you this smell
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
