I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
