Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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