take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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