His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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