Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
