This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
