Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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