Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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