I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
