It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
