My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
