Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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