Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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