i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
