she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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