Jerry, you need to find god
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
