How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
