haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
