Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
