Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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