Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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