They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
