The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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