We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
