I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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