I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
